I thought it was pretty funny finding this image on the net. It says in Hebrew "Ha'chaim al mizvadot" which translated basically means living out of a suitcase.
Well folks, that's MOI!

I am now officially on the home stretch. Today I moved into Shalom College, where I work and this will be "home" until I take off on December 4th.
I will be making one final trip to Melbourne this weekend for work, but obviously I will be taking the opportunity to spend as much time with my family and close friends as possible.

I am definitely feeling a lot calmer about things now. I am more philisophical and resigned to the fact that I am going. I know that doesn't sound like I am leaping out of my skin to go, but I think I am being realistic and to be honest, I would be worrying about me if I was all "yeah! When can I hop on that plane already?"
Of course I am excited (and nervous and stressed and all that other stuff) but in my heart I know that this weekend will be the last weekend I spend with my folks and my brother for quite some time and I think it is ok to feel sad about that.

Anyway, I wish I had some fabulous deep words of wisdom or some really bad poetry, but I don't. I am going to head up to my room, stick on some Joni Mitchell and do some sorting out.

Will write a more exciting update soon.

Love,
ME

Yes, well now that I have got my maths sorted out, I have now worked out exactly when it is I am going. I have to admit, discovering I had one week LESS than I thought I had threw me somewhat!

I moved out of my apartment this weekend. It started on Friday morning when three big burly Aussie blokes walked in armed with cardboard boxes, tape and Stanley knives. Before I knew it, my things were being packed away at the rate of knots and I didn’t know whether to stand there, help out or simply get out of the way.

With a big black texta, each box was scrawled with “Cawthorne Israel” and the relevant box number. Sometimes the boys got it a bit wrong, and the boxes were labeled “Cawthorn Isreal” but I am just being pedantic now.

By about lunchtime, the boxes had migrated to what twenty-four hours previously had been my living room and once again I thought, this is what my life boils down to; a collection of cardboard boxes and miscellaneous items.

It was not long before everything was put in the truck and they drove away. I waved goodbye which I know was a pretty stupid thing to do, but no one was looking and, well, it made me feel better.

I should also point out that by Friday afternoon I had just about completely lost my voice. I have not been well the last week or so, but I wasn’t feeling too bad. Thursday night I was entertaining the boy by doing my very best Marlene Dietrich impression, but by the next day I was pretty much unintelligible.

I have had bad throat infections in the past, but I have never completely lost the ability to speak. It’s Monday afternoon now and I still can’t speak properly! I have had several people offer their opinion as to what the problem might be. Most feel that stress is a key factor (I won’t argue that), but others have had deeper psychological insights into my condition. One friend felt that this was my body’s way of showing me that I haven’t truly expressed my fears and given we (apparently) hold our emotions in the throat area, this is a very obvious and physical manifestation of my fear.

Since Friday night I have been staying with some wonderful friends who have welcomed me into their home. It’s only round the corner from my old apartment, so everything still feels quite familiar. In just over a week, I will move into a student room (albeit a very nice one!) at the residential college where I work at the University of New South Wales – so I will be living AND working in the same building – won’t that be fun!

Throughout the weekend, I had to go back to my apartment several times as various people have bought things and needed to collect them. Bye bye fridge… bye bye washing machine… it’s hard to get emotional about white goods and receiving a nice wad of cash in exchange for them made it quite a pleasant experience really.

There were a couple of things though that were quite hard to part with and left me feeling quite upset. I am not saying there is logic behind this, but I am fully aware of the fact that logical thought is not my strong point at the moment. My friend Rani bought my sofa and my dining table and I felt such a pang of sadness as my pink sofa drove away in the Thrifty hire truck. So much so, I ended up writing a poem about it over breakfast that morning. (If you think I am insane, that’s quite ok, I am fully aware of this fact).

So here it is – read it and weep.

Ode To My Pink Sofa

It was love at first sight.
She was soft feminine and pleasantly plump.

“Get it” said Lena, “While you are still single.
A man would never let you buy a pink sofa.”

We were a perfect fit,
Pink Sofa and I.
I could snuggle from head to toe or if I had company,
Pink Sofa would envelop us in a warm embrace
But three was always a crowd.

I think we always knew our relationship would end one day.
“I wish I could take you my darling, I wish I could.”
“I don’t take up much room, I swear, and I promise I’ll be good.”
“Oh my darling Pink Sofa. I promise she’ll love you just as much as I do.
Perhaps even more.”

“Don’t leave me” cried Pink Sofa, “I love you!”
With one final embrace I waved farewell as the truck doors closed
And she drove away from me forever.

At least I loved and lost Pink Sofa.
It was better than never having her at all.

So folks, this is where I am at now; me (minus a voice), two suitcases and my beloved laptop.

Stay tuned for the next exciting installment and hopefully by then I’ll have my voice back.

I just realised that I am leaving in FOUR weeks today - not FIVE!!!!!!!!!!!!
Arghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

“Hashem said to Abram, “Go for yourself from your land, from your relatives and from your father’s house to the land that I will show you.”
(Bereishit, 12:1)

Ok folks, I think it’s time I cheered up a bit and started getting excited. I am leaving in exactly 5 weeks. I’d be lying if I said that the last few weeks have been an easy time for me. They’ve been pretty hard actually. As much as I don’t like to be the subject of my own experiment, a part of me finds it fascinating to delve deeply into the events of the last month or so and interpret them – or try to.

To be honest, I would be more concerned if this whole aliyah thing had been plain sailing all the way. I think it is normal, even healthy to be struck down by self-doubt and panic. Let’s face it, no one of completely sound mind and body would choose to make aliyah these days – it does work in your favour to be a tad off centre to begin with (big tick for me!).

A few weeks ago I inadvertently got involved with someone. To say I have been avoiding romance’s evil eye all year is the understatement of the century. When I made up my mind earlier this year to return to Israel permanently, I said to myself (sub-consciously of course – I haven’t quite got to the stage where I am talking to myself) “time to put on the love blinkers SGD”.
Of course I can hear you know-it-alls out there in cyberspace going, “Ahhhh, but you can’t control that kind of thing! Love comes when you are least expecting it.” Well – love might be too strong an emotion to use, but very strong feelings/powerful emotional connection/extreme attraction could all be appropriate substitutes.

The question I have been plaguing myself with is this: why has this person come into my life NOW? Whose idea of a cruel and twisted joke was this? I can see the headlines now: “GIRL SET TO HOP ON PLANE TO OTHER SIDE OF WORLD MEETS GREAT GUY. HEARTBREAK IMMINENT.”

I am not exaggerating when I tell you that I have spent the last few weeks in a totally discombobulated state (I have always wanted to use that word in a sentence!). I have been grinding my teeth at night again (something I have not done since I was about six) and my appetite has gone out the window (ok, every cloud has a silver lining).

So what happened that I was able to turn the corner and get back on the road to aliyah? Well, a few things. I was speaking to my brother the other night and despite the fact that we are really close, it is not often that we talk about our respective love lives. Still – my bro is one insightful cookie. He said; “you’re just like me – you wear your heart on your sleeve and you give too much of yourself, too quick.” Well thanks, Dr Phil umm, I mean Dr Rich.

He also reminded me of how long I have had this dream to live in Israel and that I owed it to myself to give it a go. “No one is saying you have to stay – but you do have to go”. I realised that once again I was falling into my old ways; my own self-created safety net if you like. It’s easier to back out of a plan than go ahead with it and fail. It’s easier to blame a third party on the eventual failure of my own actions than face my fears head on and deal with them.

I got off the phone and I sat and thought for a long time afterwards. I don’t think I came to any ground-breaking conclusions, but there was definite seismic activity going on in my brain. I went to bed and had one of those “dead sleeps” as I call them. Those nights where you remember nothing, not even nodding off to sleep the night before. When I woke up, I felt like a ten ton weight had been lifted from my chest. I sat up and said to myself (ok I admit it, I actually said this out loud – but I’m not crazy, I swear!) “I deserve to live my life on my terms finally.” I don’t even know where that came from to be honest; it seemed to float out of nowhere. But I understood it completely and utterly. For far too long I feel like my life has taken a path according to other people’s hopes and dreams. I have so many of my own!

Something else very profound happened this week as well. I went to shul this Shabbat and realised that the Torah portion was Lech Lecha – the parashas in Bereishit (Genesis) where G-d commands Abram to leave his home and seek out the land that G-d will show him (i.e Israel).

As I read through the parashas, I was struck again and again by the incredible parallels in my own life at this time. Leaving your home, your friends, your extended family – and of course – your own parents is scary stuff. Even Abraham – our great patriarch - was scared that he wouldn’t have friends once he got there! (I am very blessed in that I do have amazing friends and family in Israel whom I adore). Abraham’s journey to the Land of Israel is not an easy one. He is tested again and again.

I think what did it for me though was the realization that even if things had worked out with said guy, the fact remains that there is something fundamentally missing for me in this country – in all countries, except Israel.
It’s not something I can easily define. I am really not all that religious, although I may be a card-carrying Zionist now, I certainly was not brought up with that as an influence and no amount of logic could explain why I would want to give up my home, great job and leave my family and friends behind. At least in Israel I will be around lots of people just like me (i.e. other meshugenahs!)

Above all, I realised this: the first thing I must do is “get my house in order”. I need to lay down my hat and call it home. Only then will I be at peace and only then will my true destiny be able to knock on my door and say, “welcome home.”